ignoroscopes

By Tyler Mitchell – Senior Editor

 

Libra: Sept. 23-Oct. 22

Love is in the air. Try an air freshener to get rid of that stanky smell.

Scorpio: Oct. 23-Nov. 21

Avoid walking alone through the woods. You never know who’s watching.

Sagittarius: Nov. 22-Dec.21

Next Tuesday will be your day. But the rest of the week is pretty much going to suck. Sorry.

Capricorn: Dec. 22- Jan. 19

You are the master of the selfie. Try taking selfies with random kitchen appliances such as a blender or electronic mixer. It’ll help to stir things up a bit.

Aquarius: Jan. 20- Feb. 18

You’re looking extra beautiful today. Feel free to tell everyone about it.

Pisces: Feb. 19-March 20

Watch Goodburger this weekend on Netflix. If you don’t have Netflix, question your entire life.

Aries: March 21- April 19

Wear extra deoderant the next few weeks. No one likes fuming pits, bro.

Taurus: April 20-May 20

“Hey Soul Sister” is your jam this week. I sincerely apologize.

Gemini: May 21-June 21

That test you have next week? Yeah, you don’t need to study. Watch reruns of Teen Mom instead. You’re fiiiiine.

Cancer: June 22-July 22

Stay away from glass doors the next few weeks. They’re dang tricky and easy to run into.

Leo: July 23-Aug. 22

The Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell is your spirit animal this week. Try ordering two, maybe even three and eat them all in a row. You’ll feel energized and ready to conquer your day!

Virgo: Aug. 23-Sept. 22

Next time you’re at the store, get some Zeebra Cakes. They’re seriously the bee’s knees.

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